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The Outlandish Volte-Face of the Fairer Sex

- Shamit Chopra
from Spandan 1999

The female sex! A group of humans so wonderfully different from each other, yet each one of them is trained to wreak havoc with the opposite sex. Here lies before you, a series of double situations, where these ladies exhibit two characteristically different behavioral patterns making them all the more mysterious and alluring. Read on!

• Overly, they seem very prim and propah, rejecting every male advance with an air that reflects conceit, arrogance and priceyness. "We are beyond flirting", they declare.
• Volte face - They wait to hear another attempt by the floundering suitor, and become sated with feeling of accomplishment, whenever they hear a whistle headed in their direction. Later at private pyjama parties, they exchange notes on the market value of the guys who matter!
• Some of them are homely gals who can never think of setting foot in a boys' hostel which for them is a strictly male bastion. Presenting the ultimate sober and demure picture, they represent the girls you can take home to meet your mother
• Volte face- A party is on in the Boys' Hostel, and they have been invited. Donning garish and scandalously short attire, they twirl their way to the hostel, to dance the night away! And what about that meeting with your mother? JUST FORGET IT !!
• Whenever they hear the controversial song "Chiri di Dukki", they contort their faces into the most pained expressions imaginable, with a remark like "Its sooooo gauche " thrown in for added effect.
• Volte face- At dance parties, they not only dance to, but also supplement the vocals of the smash hit dedicated to Alice! The disc jockey, ever the shrewd plotter, turns down the volume at THAT moment!
• The so-called dainty damsels, who reward the suitor with a smile when he does the Walter Rayleigh bit by opening the car door for her. They are delicate ladies who cannot think of as much as hurting a fly (No pun intended, please!)
• Volte face - They are raging tigresses who are ready to punch out the hapless admirer on the least attack on their self-esteem. This achieved, they go on to wash their dirty linen in public!
• They are the "Fire" brigade, the lot who will do anything to wipe out male dominance from society. Their only sworn enemy - the male variety of Homo sapiens sapiens. They are women-libbers to the core, slogan-shouters to the hilt, placard-wielders to the heart!
• Volte face- A Hindi movie type accidental collision with a Greek God, resulting in a pile of books on the floor. Their heart will flip and do cartwheels, as the Adonis helps in clearing up the mess and departs, leaving them sighing for more.

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